Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you win again, gameday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
