Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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