you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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