I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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