I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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