you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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