Tell her she can't have a vagina
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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