Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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