that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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