you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dick has a subreddit
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
