No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
