I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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