the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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