Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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