I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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