Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
