So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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