thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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