I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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