theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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