He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
