nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
