We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
