The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
