I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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