consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
