I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
