tell your sister to shave her snatch
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
