I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
