Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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