I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
