haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
