What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
