he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
