I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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