I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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