Need sex. Gaining weight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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