dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
