You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
