I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
