11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
