So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
