thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
