Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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