i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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