why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
