I think I died a long time ago.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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