i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
