RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
