Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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