Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
