I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We need to get me chipped asap
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
