i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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