Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
