There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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