So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
