before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
