I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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