Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
