While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize