Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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