im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So here I am, sexting at work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
