ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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