so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
