is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
this is an emotional support booty call
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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