I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
