At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
