i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
